HINTS & SECRETS

There are many things that go into a perfect Grilled Cheese, some of them are secret and stay that way. Here are some great things you can do to win a trophy. They may work, they may not. Just read 'em and get wise.

SUGGESTIONS THAT MAY NOT HELP YOU WIN A TROPHY
The best way you can make the best Grilled Cheese is to cook them all the time and to eat them all the time. Take notes. Photographs. See what brand of butter works the best. Note how old the bread was. Graph your information. Be scientific. Wear protective goggles. All that.

Physical Preparation
The week before competition, try to do some physical exercises. Step out of your apartment or house and begin running. Be sure to breathe. Do not stop until the bleeding stops. Once the bleeding stops take a cab to the nearest FOSTER FREEZE and get the largest amount of ice cream you can possibly hold with two hands. Eat it all. Once completed, run back to your home.

As it gets closer to game day, enlist a partner to throw medicine balls of various weights at you while you practice grilling cheese. This may seem dangerous but it will only help you in the long run. Do not trust the mailman.

Mental Preparation
On game day, try to find a nice quite place for some meditation, an abandoned mine, for example. Sit in complete stillness and try to focus on the grille, the cheese, and the butter. Let all aspirations and hopes and desires for victory escape you. Think back, long and hard, to the point in your childhood where your dad beat you with a grilled cheese sammich and made you cry. Wonder about who would play you in the ABC Movie of the Week about your winning of the Invitational. When you have completed this exercise, stand up and immediately smoke at least four or five joints. You are now ready to be a champion!

SUGGESTIONS THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HELP YOUY WIN A TROPHY

But seriously:

1) Bring Your Own Pan - Even though Theorylabs will be providing Olympic Cooking Surfaces™, you've got a better chance at cooking a better sammich if you're working with a pan you know. So bring your best fry pan and use it. You don't have to let anyone else use it, just you. This way, you're comfortable with the pan and the cheese can grille just like you like it.

2) Practice - We can't stress this enough. Before you even show up at the competition, you should have cooked one or two at your house and made sure that the ingredients go together well and everything works.

3) Prep - Try to prepare your materials before hand. Slice your cheese, choose your bread, fry your bacon, etc. There was a bottleneck during the competition last year, with people waiting to slice cheese and what not, and that's dumb. We're not here to see ham sizzle, we're here to watch cheese grille!

4) Drink plenty - This is a Grilled Cheese Invitational, after all.

5) Don't sweat it - If you don't win, don't sweat it, it's only a Grilled Cheese Invitational.

6) Slow Down - Many people were scorching their sammiches last year. Slow the Fuck Down! Just because the grille goes up to 11 doesn't mean it HAS to. Adjust the heat on the grill and take your time. Focus.

7) Grease'll Getcha - Be careful when adding meats to your sammich. As we all know meats is greasy bitches! Bacon is very, very greasy. If you are using meats, chose wisely and don't bog the fuckin' sammich down in meat grease. You think you'll win with that? Yeah right! Bacon is fine to use, just drain the shit. For the love of all that’s good and holy, don’t you realize that bread is like a sponge? Sheesh!

8) Burns - This is an event involving a grille. If your the type who is clumsy, bring yer own damn mitts and protect your god damned hands! It's not my fault you burned your dumb ass. Be safe. Also, don’t burn other people or Therm’s head.

9) Dress for success - Try to wear something that says, "I'm a fucking Grilled Cheese Champion!" Just be sure to make it flame proof. See number 8.

10) Have sex with somebody before the competition - Let your hair down and relax, then come and grille cheese. You'd be surprised how much of a difference it really makes in the grille.